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Archive for April, 2010

Words to Avoid When Writing Lyrics

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

If you’re sitting down to pen some anthemic lyrics, let me give you this tip: Do not ever use the phrase “the sky.”

You see, “the sky” can easily be mis-heard as “this guy.”

Classic example: Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze” and it’s infamous line, “Excuse me while I kiss the sky” became “Excuse me while I kiss this guy.” This has amused people like, well, me, ever since.

Sweden’s Hammerfall took the lyrical landmine to a new high in their song, “Templars of Steel.” Granted, the song is already silly enough, glorifying, as it does, a bunch of admittedly badass Crusade-era knights who were still quite spartan in their living and weren’t exactly a bunch of ladies’ men, if you catch my drift. For them, it was a life of prayer, combat and just a bit more prayer thrown in for good measure. Partiers like Poison, these were not.

But Hammerfall made it worse with the line “Raise your fist in the sky.” Yes, heard through the wrong ears (namely mine), you have Joacim Cans possibly exhorting listeners to “raise your fist in this guy.”

Fortunately, Hammerfall are playing this over monstrous slabs of instrumentation and Cans’ very cool post-NWOBHM voice. Still, I giggle.

Don’t make me giggle at you – don’t use the words “the sky” in your lyrics.

First Gig with Another New Band

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

Well, we’re just hours from our 10 p.m. debut of Betamaxx, our mashup of 80s pop and modern metal. Donna Jean’s Libations, 67th Avenue and Bell Road on Glendale! $3

Hung Dynasty follows.

Now, THAT’S an Endorsement!

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

The Hammerfall show at U.B.’s was a blast, and the gift of Hammerfall keeps on giving: My bandmate, Todd, looked up the band’s Engl amps. He wound up perusing the list of high-profile bands using Engl amps, and he found an absolutely delightful gem of a testimonial from a member of the black metal band Immortal, which he gleefully forwarded to me:

“Engl Powerball miraculously fits my outrage, and shakes my great balls of frost!” – ABBATH / IMMORTAL

That has to be the greatest user testimonial I’ve ever seen, bar none. Still, I’m not sure if Abbath meant that the Powerball shakes the frost from his balls, or if his goolies are actually composed of frost.

I’ll bet Todd guffawed like a madman when he saw that. And I think “My Great Balls of Frost” will be my new catchphrase.

To be friends at Fryette Amplification: I will try very hard to come up with a testimonial for my Deliverance 60 that trumps Abbath’s praise for the Powerball.

Oh, and Abbath? Maybe you should put some shorts on if you want to keep praising Nordic deities today …

Novelty First, Quality Second?

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Tonight, I’m planning to go see Hammerfall. You obviously know how I feel about Hammerfall.

They’re playing at a small venue called UB’s. No disrespect toward UB’s because it’s a nice local venue, but it blows me away that an international touring band of Hammerfall’s caliber is playing there. These guys sell out stadiums in Europe like clockwork. They have awesome chops, and they put on a great show. Hell, I’ve played at UB’s in my side project, the female-fronted metal band Luminatus (pretty much a cover band designed to expose local audiences to the awesomeness of symphonic metal – you should become a fan!).

Contrast that with Anvil. This obscure, aging, also-ran band from Canada recently dropped into the Phoenix area and had a sellout show at the Marquee Theater. That’s a far larger venue than UB’s – by a factor of 10, at least. Anvil had an early 1980s moment in the sun, then disappeared into obscurity. Then the movie “Anvil! The Story of Anvil” came out. And I admit, I was rooting hardcore for the loveable band of Canuckleheads. But none of that obscures something important: That lead singer/guitarist Lips just can’t sing or play the guitar very well. Rob is a decent drummer, though. The band’s collective ineptitude is pretty plain to hear. No advanced degree from the Guitar Institute of Technology necessary.

But you look at Hammerfall. Its members and ex-members and probably its audition rejects can play Anvil into the ground. Yet they tour America and get booked at UB’s.

What’s the problem here?

The problem is in the mirror looking at us every day. Not individually, but collectively. For some reason, novelty is what interests us. Screw quality. That saddens me.

Sorry, Hammerfall. I wish Phoenix and the United States could do better for you. But know that some of us are delighted that you’re here.

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