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5 Awesome Things About Being in a Rock Band

Monday, September 28th, 2009
Me playing a gig at the Marquee - huge sound! Notice the short hair?

Me playing a gig at the Marquee - huge sound! Notice the short hair?

When you’re in a rock band, you actually have a lot to complain about: Shady promoters, terrible set times, broken gear, schlepping gear, and so on.

But let me tell you, certain things make all the crappy stuff really worth the effort. Here are my top 5:

5. Your first gig being mic’d: At some venues, you just put your gear on stage and they let you rip. In better venues with quality sound systems, they’ll usually mic each amp and some of the drums individually and run it all through the PA for a better mix. Let me tell you, our first mic’d gig at The Last Exit was something I’ll never forget. Phung was back there on the drums, and the engineer said “kick drum, please.” Phung gave a nice steady thump, and you could hear the volume and resonance increase as the engineer turned his channel up. It was awesome, and it repeated for all the instruments. It is sooooo cool!

4. An awesome compliment: There’s nothing quite as good for the morale as sincere compliments from the audience. I think my favorite was when someone yelled out “Ya’ll are a bad buncha motherf*ckers!”

3. Picking on the drummer. And the singer. And the bassist. ‘Nuff said.

2. Having someone recognize you in public: A few times, I’ve had people say “Hey, you’re from Hung Dynasty,
right?” I even saw a Hung Dynasty sticker on a car, and I didn’t know who was driving it. Extra-awesome for a local band.

1. Playing on the same stage as your favorite band: Now this is simply stupendous beyond comprehension. I saw Hammerfall at the Marquee Theater. Then, I got to play there. It is a huge rush to hear your rig mic’d up at pro touring band volume. Next time I was there, I was watching Nightwish and thinking “hey, I’ve been on that stage!” In the grand scheme, it’s a pretty small thing. But when you’re a Minor League Rocker, you take the victories where you can. And this one? It was one to savor.

So, if you’re in a band, I’d love to hear your Top 5. Whatcha got?

Running on Empty, but Surviving

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Rock music heals. Seriously.

All day Saturday, I was feeling lifeless and drained. Barely had an appetite. Fell asleep on the couch three times. That’s not like me at all. Maybe I just really needed the rest.

Anyway, that’s all a pretty bad time to have a midnight gig. The show was at Crabby Don’s in Gilbert, way far away from me. Might as well be New Mexico. I put off my departure as much as possible to still get there an hour early … excessive? Maybe. But venues love Hung Dynasty because we’re punctual and reasonable. More than a few times, we’ve bailed out venues that’ve had last-minute cancellations.

I was still feeling foggy after a few Ibuprofen tablets; I also planned for some caffeine and sugar when I bought what I thought was a Mountain Dew. But no - I missed the dreaded moniker of assy flavor: Diet. Ugh!

But from the first riffs of Rampage, all symptoms abated. We played a pretty good set. The reactions were a bit odd, though. Nobody seemed to like our rockafied versions of The Gambler and Turning Japanese. Seek & Destroy, though, got a huge reaction, including one girl grabbing Todd’s hand and kissing it.

“You’re never gonna wash that hand again, are you?” I asked after the tune.

“Nope, but I sure am gonna soil it!” he said.

All the originals went pretty well. Next time we play Crabby Don’s, we’ll likely pick a more metal-oriented trio of covers.

Evaluating the Casino Arizona “Showstoppers”

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

So my brother and his wife are in town, and it’s just about her birthday. So I agreed to go with them to a “Showstoppers” performance at Casino Arizona with them. That entails four different impersonators doing their stuff. What did I think? Read on …

The show started with Elvis. He was adequate and competent. but really mailing it in. I don’t get the impression that he particular likes Elvis - but his appearance probably led to a Halloween costume which led to a night gig. I’m not 100 percent convinced they didn’t have him running through autotuning software and being matched by a backing track. He kept pulling his mic really far away from his mouth without much of a volume loss during sections of the song when he wasn’t really moving a lot of air. And he wasn’t really playing his guitar. Suspicious. Bruce Campbell was a way better Elvis in Bubba Ho Tep. But Bruce Campbell … well, let’s put it this way: You pray to god. I pray to Bruce Campbell.

Garth Brooks was next. He was portly and dressed right, but looked nothing like Garth Brooks. He sang well, though, and delivered the most genuine performance of the night. Now, let’s face it: Garth is country’s Don Dokken - if he fell off the face of the earth, you could find dozens of country singers to take his place. This guy among them. I noticed that he seemed genuinely enthused, and connected with the audience with the vibe of being a guy acting Garth’s part and enjoying it, and trying to get everyone to buy into the illusion. Well done. Another thing I noticed: Replace Garth with a less twangy dude and heavier guitar sounds, and you essentially have a late version of Bon Jovi. And except for one tune, the engineer totally cut Garth’s guitar out of the mix.

Next we had a comedian. Eh. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Tina Turner took us on  turn to the distaff. She was competent, but lacked articulation. She was often hard to understand and had difficulty cutting through the mix. Amazing, considering that the backing band was really, really quiet: The drummer had a light touch; the guitarist was good, but playing through a solid-state rig that absolutely disappeared through most tunes; the bassist was pretty sleepy and unambitious. Didn’t miss a note, but wasn’t exactly letting it all hang out.

The Four Tops closed the show. They were very accurate, but the style of music does nothing to move me at all. And I hate it when anyone tells me to “put yo’ hands together” at least once per song. Dude, you’re the performer. You are the show, not me. Hung Dynasty only requests audience participation once per set, usually during Metallica’s “Seek and Destroy” or a Priest or AC/DC song. Use that schtick sparingly, and remember that you’re getting paid to be the entertainment. Not the audience.

Now, if Casino Arizona ever has a Showstoppers performance featuring Immortal, Hammerfall, Nightwish and the Scorpions, I will SO go back.

New Amps … and Another Mixed Bag of Shows

Saturday, September 5th, 2009

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It’s odd how you can take the same band, hear them twice and get two different results.

Last weekend at Smokey’s in Mesa, Chris the drummer and I felt out of sorts the whole night. Everything was a struggle, and I had a near catastrophic mistake. Fortunately, it was in the last few bars of one of our songs. He and I usually mesh really nicely, and everything goes pretty smoothly. Not that night.

Last night at Donna Jean’s, though, was another story. That performance was polished to a high sheen. I can attribute some of it to the crowd. Donna Jean’s had a lively bunch, and that always makes it more fun to play live.

A lot of them were regulars, so we decided to switch our set up a touch. That meant excluding a few crowd favorite covers for a few different ones, but it went over really well. We took Judas Priest’s “Breaking the Law” and Metallica’s “Seek & Destroy” out, replacing them with “The Gambler” (yes, the Kenny Rogers song, but done OUR way!) and AC/DC’s “TNT”, which was great.

For you gear heads, Todd (singer/guitarist) and I have really created a very hard-hitting guitar sound. He recently picked up a used Mesa F-100. It pairs really nicely with my Fryette Deliverance 60. Both of us now have a very aggressive distortion character which lends itself well to our music. But we’re not pooping all over each other sonically, which is really cool. Each of us has a distinct but complementary tone.

Speaking of the Deliverance, it’s very new to me but has become my number-one amp. I’ve been promising you a review of it, I know. Give me a day or two and you’ll finally have it!

Cactus Encounter - A Pre-Gig Worry Worthy of Spinal Tap

Saturday, August 29th, 2009

So I’m a little concerned. My left arm had a close encounter with a cholla cactus this morning (gory details at Wanderingjustin.com).

Now, these nasty plants have toxin-tipped thorns. I can feel some soreness and stiffness settling into my forearm and forefinger.

That is not good the day of a gig. I spent the last 30 minutes or so doing warm-ups and playing along with a few tunes. I got through that okay.

But it’s one thing to play through a solid-state pre-amp through a pair of computer speakers. Since my gigging rig isn’t here, it’s hard to say how my hand is gonna hold up while playing through a tube amp and 212 speaker cabinet. It’s a whole different ballgame - the tube amp is far more touch-sensitive, and it demands respect. Especially this one. Sloppy technique and weak hands will receive this amp’s scorn and punishment.

On the plus side, there’s barely any trace of the bloody mess the cholla spines left on my arm. I healed vampire-fast. It’s almost scary.

If you’re up to checking out how I survive the gig, here’s where it is:

Smokey’s Bar
1734 E. Main Street, Mesa
FREE - NO COVER AT ALL!

Karaoke Kills Live Music Dead

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

Let’s say you decide to open a club. On some nights, you have karaoke. On others, you have live music.

On karaoke nights, you pay some guy to schlep his gear down. In turn, people sit around all night waiting for their turn and drinking your grossly marked up alcoholic beverages. They throw some tips his way. At the end of the night, you pay Mr. or Mz. Karaoke a cut.

Other nights, you have live music. Some bands show up on time and are polite and competent. Others? Not so much. Those that play like crap drive out the people they didn’t bring. Or they leave when “their” band’s set is over.

So the club owner says “Hey, why not just have karaoke all the time?” Then, there are no heads to count, no bands to pay. Thus, the live music night disappears.

This seems to be what’s happening in the town of Payson, about 70 miles from Phoenix. I wanted to book some gigs in small towns that are a pretty quick drive. Rural towns, for some reason, absolutely love Hung Dynasty’s style of rock. If we throw in a country tune played our style, they go bananas. So I thought it would be a good fit.

In that frame of mind, I shot an e-mail to a radio station manager up that way. It turns out that karaoke is the sharpened, garlic-infused stake that is being pounded into live music’s heart up there.

This saddens me, and not just because it essentially seals Payson off to our ministrations - but it also deflates every young wanna-be in that town who sees that one guitar and wants to rock until s/he drop and is never gonna stop. How dismal it is that a kid can’t even rock, form a band and find a venue. For older dudes like Hung Dynasty, there’s always another venue somewhere else. We have good jobs that can support our habit.

But for my young brothers and sisters who want to get started? I am truly disappointed for them.

You Need an Audience

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
Passing the scared senseless barrier and into the realm of rocking your face clean off.

Passing the scared senseless barrier and into the realm of rocking your face clean off.

You know what’s really awesome?

When you’ve done enough gigs that you spend barely any time worrying about executing. That frees up all sorts of room for you to just focus on being entertaining and on having fun.

I seriously wish that everyone who runs across this blog would take up an instrument and gig enough to get there. It’s a really wonderful feeling, and a sensation that’s terribly difficult to explain adequately.

Pay attention to what I’m saying now: Grab an instrument. Get proficient. Jam with others. Start doing open mics or whatever you can do. Do it until you cross that barrier where you’re sick to your stomach 12 hours before a gig, to where you can’t wait to boot the act before you offstage so you can get down to business.

Do it if you love rock. Do it if you love punk. Do it if you love country (I can’t believe I just said that). Do it if you’re a heartbroken acoustic navelgazing crooner. Do it if you play the accordian. Do it if you play the meanest didgeridoo on the planet. Just don’t let another day pass you by if you have any desire to perform in front of people.

I promise it will make your life better.

The Rise of Friend Rock

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

There are some venues and promoters here in Arizona that are really setting a new low for the music scene.

Here’s their game: They get a bunch of inexperienced high school bands to buy tickets, which they then sell to their friends (I call this “friend rock”). The promoters may also get clever and try roping an older band that hasn’t experienced this trick yet. They tell everyone to show up at, for example, 6 p.m. for load-in.

The promoter won’t tell you what time you’ll play. That’s a ploy to get all the bands and the fans they bring to stay there the whole time. If the standard of music was high, that wouldn’t be so bad. But typically, these gigs burst forth with the most god-awful noises and shambolic performances you’ll ever see. Since they’re mostly kids, these bands will use amps that sound like Africanized bees living in an empty keg of frat boy beer, and drums that sound like discarded septic tanks.

Let me be clear on this: Most of these young bands stink. But some have some potential to improve, and I’m glad they’re getting out there on-stage. I just prefer gigs with other seasoned bands, not kids that look like the Jonas Brothers dressing up as Cannibal Corpse for Halloween (and why is it that each of these bands has at least one member that looks like the fat kid from Superbad?). It also really cracks me up that they’re acting all gruff and playing angry music, while their supportive parents (who are usually Judas Priest fans!) are smiling in the audience, sometimes with the grandparents!

Getting back to the promoters, it’s a cynical but effective way to make some money. The kids have built-in audiences at their high schools. But woe to the post-college band that gets suckered into one of these gigs. Oy vey.

Jekyll & Hide Weekend of Gigs

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

This weekend, we played gigs on Friday and Saturday. And I felt like two different guitarists.

The first gig featured some moments of brutal stupidity in two different songs. I had no idea what was going on with me. Last night, though, things went a lot better. But the night got off to a rough start.

See, local music venues run on much the same idea as airlines: If you’re scheduled to go on at 11, it might really be 11:30. Now,  that’s not such a big deal unless your bassist happens to start work at midnight. Apparently, an earlier band played long, which pushed everybody back. Fortunately, I explained the situation to the sound guy, who hustled the band before us off a few songs early.

Problem solved! It’s not always that easy, though.

As for my hard time Friday night - everybody has a bad gig now and then. I don’t have many, and I’m happy to have mine out of the way for awhile. It just goes to prove something else: Take none of your songs for granted. Rehearse well. Pay attention. The audience is listening!

3 Cold, Hard Facts of “Putting on a Show”

Sunday, July 5th, 2009
Big, beautiful stages like this are rare for us.

Big, beautiful stages like this are rare for us.

If you start playing in a band, you will be amazed by the number of people who want to talk to the band afterward - and often, tell the members every single thing they should do to be better live. It’s also plain to any experienced musician that none of these people have spent time on a stage as part of a live band - karaoke is the limit of their experience. With that in mind, here are a few things you should keep in mind when dishing advice out to bands.

1. Stages in local venues are perilous place - Yes, I know they look solid. But they’re clapped out as can be. Sometimes, entire pieces of the stage at certain venues will start sliding if I put my foot on them. One other venue has a section that is ready to cave in; even the most gentle step onto it causes it to bow downward eight inches. We will not be risking limb and possibly life to jump around like monkeys to entertain you. But we will play good music.

Showhorning us onto this stage was a nightmare - I nearly fell off at one point!

Showhorning us onto this stage was a nightmare - I nearly fell off at one point!

2. There’s really not much room to move - The dudes from Iron Maiden run all over the stage during their shows. And I so want to do that. Here’s the rub: If I want to go over to Matt’s side of the stage, I have to plot a careful course with the precision of a NASA shuttle launch to safely squeeze between Todd and the drum mic without knocking either down. I also have to navigate PA and instrument cables all and sundry. It’s like Han Solo piloting the Millennium Falcon through an asteroid field while gettin’ sweet lovin’ from Princess Leia, fixing the hyperdrive and dodging a giant ship-eating space slug, all while the Imperial Star Destroyer that is a 12-bar guitar solo is headed my way. And I have to time it right in the song, where I won’t have a busy part because …

3. Musicians can’t hear jack squat onstage - See, in the Big Leagues, musicians have these things called in-ear monitors. They allow the sound engineer to pipe directly into a musician’s ear what the audience is hearing. Here in the minor leagues, we seldom have monitors. Mostly, we hear our own instrument and the drums, and only traces of anything else. That means we DON’T HEAR OURSELVES when we go venturing around. We have to pick our moments.

A trip to rock out with a bandmate involves NASA-like precision planning.

A trip to rock out with a bandmate involves NASA-like precision planning.

4. We want to talk to you, but let us get off the stage first - This post might sound a bit like I’m complaining about music fans. But it’s the minority. Most are super-supportive, and can’t wait to offer some really sincere and uplifting compliments. I only ask one thing: We’re probably one of several bands that are playing on any given night, and we move our own gear. Hang out and have a brew while we load out - we want to be courteous to the next band and get our gear offstage so they can get set up and rocking as soon as possible. Once we load out, we’ll totally talk your ears off. I promise.

I hope this does something to dispel the notion that this is like Guitar Hero or the World Air Guitar Championship. You can’t just spend the entire time onstage acting wild, throwing your guitar around and banging your head. Let’s say a show lasts an hour. Imagine running for an hour. Does anybody sprint for a full hour? No. You pick your spots, and have some natural lulls. Add the quicksand of crappy stages and technical challenges, and you see why “putting on a show” can be a really tall order.

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